I speak three languages — English, French, and Spanish — and have lived in six countries: Canada, France, Greece, Spain, the UK, and Venezuela.
Many things are different in my experience as a woman in those countries. Still, one that remains a constant across languages and territories is how women’s speech patterns serve the patriarchy.
What!?!
Yes. We undermine our ideas, wants, and needs by expressing them in a way that detracts from our credibility, minimises the ask, and asks for permission.
As they say that good writing is about “showing” and not “telling”, I won’t waste your time elaborating on why you do that.
Instead, I will show you five ways how you sabotage yourself and what to do instead.
The advice I’m sharing with you today is based on my experience coaching and mentoring hundreds of women in tech.
Disqualifying Yourself or Your Ideas In Advance
The credibility killer sentence: “I’m not an expert”.
Recently, I was speaking with an accomplished woman about her Master’s degree work. I wanted to learn more about it, so I asked her, “As an expert in this topic, what’s your opinion about [X]?“
And guess what? Her reply started with, “I’m not an expert but…”.
My heart jumped from disappointment. I’ve heard this so many times.
But I know the cure for it: Awareness. So, I asked her
“Don’t you think you have more expertise than me on this topic? I told you I’d only read a couple of articles about it.”
She said “Yes” and smiled.
I smiled, too. I’d proven my point.
Unfortunately, I’ve seen this happen repeatedly throughout my career: Women diminish their credibility before stating their opinions on a subject they are experts — or at least know much more about it than their interlocutor.
Saying “I’m not an expert” is telling to your audience
- Don’t believe me
- Don’t judge me
- Don’t take me seriously